They say suicide isn’t an option but I don’t think I agree with them. I feel it’s best to end everything at once…No matter how abrupt that may be. And maybe cause a little bit of pain to the the culprit of your heart-wrenching agony.
They dunno they pushed me this far. When no one could hear my silent screams behind my overly bubbly self. My roommates never saw the tears wet my pillow yet they discuss the recent suicide cases like they knew the person. Analysing and bringing out facts about how stupid these culprits were and making crude jokes in the end. They do not see that I have been considering it for long.
I have looked at all the angles inside out and round about. At times it doesn’t make sense but other times it’s as clear as the sky. Sometimes I wonder if I will finally do it with an overdose of a drug, hang myself, throw myself over a balustrade or shoot myself in the heart or head. It may feel gruesome to read this but you are. And that’s because I have allowed you into my thoughts. Maybe you can help. Maybe not. I don’t really count on you making a difference in my almost well planned and ‘peaceful’ procedure.
The truth is I don’t have a particular problem or problems that make me want to end my life. Sometimes I think it’s because he dumped me, other times it’s because I feel no one really cares like how they portray and very rarely I want to know how life after death feels like. I want to know if my friends and loved ones would mourn when I leave. I know you are still stunned I am considering this but seriously you can’t understand. Not that I want you to understand. I just need some help.Could you be kind enough to give me a hug I didn’t request for? Would you look into my eyes, smile and confirm your love for me? Could you tell me I am beautiful? Could you pat my back and say a few encouraging words? Would you offer to be my friend without me asking? If you would…If you can…Maybe you might hold me back. Maybe you might bring me to utter tears as I narrate the pain in my heart and the need to end it all. And don’t judge me when I open up to you. Don’t make me feel insane or confused. Tell me it’s going to be alright. Hold me close to your heart and encourage me. Don’t give me lecturers about how silly I am to consider taking my own life. You think I don’t already know? Well, I do.
So please spare me the long lecture, don’t gossip about me, show genuine care, hold me close-please.
A lady considering suicide
Instead of Thorns and Roses, I put up something in connection with suicide. I am not happy about how this seems to be the new ‘in thing’ for the youth. I have been to the point where I toyed with the idea of dying and seeing how many of my friends would cry in my demise but I never did it. I didn’t do it because I had and still have God and I had great friends who didn’t need to know what was happening in my head but encouraged me. Suicide isn’t the answer- it never will be.
To those making jokes about this serious issue- I am sad you haven’t come to terms with the severity of the matter. Imagine if a relative or close friend of yours had been involved, would you still have an excuse to laugh?
I pray God touches our hearts so we love like Him. May He grant us discerning spirits to see those who are in pain but hide beneath a facade of feigned joy.
God bless you for reading. Let’s share this and make everyone know we care-we really do. I want to hold you close!