Kofi’s hand trembled over the touchpad. His hormones were screaming for him to click on the picture of the naked woman that appeared that led to more naked people indulging in exotic sex. He heaved a sigh of desperation -Paul could not have been more precise about the fight-no war, between the Spirit and the body. What he didn’t want to do he did and what he wanted to do he didn’t.
The simple truth added to the burden of his soul. He arose from the chair almost dropping the laptop to the floor, his hands that formally caressed the touchpad, went to his head to reduce the frustration but his eyes were glued to the screen heavily lusting for more than just the naked woman. He felt like a mad man-was he?
Agnes couldn’t take it anymore, she decided to move from her room and go see what was wrong with Kofi. She’d been calling him for a while after Nathan the prayer secretary had called to say that Kofi had once again missed an executive meeting. It was only natural Nathan called her since she was Kofi’s beloved and Kofi had been using her as an excuse these past weeks. Goodness!!! Her beloved had been telling lies but since when? And if he was not at church meetings, or with God in the chapel and also not with her then where was he spending his time and with who. Agnes felt like her love was slipping and set out to look for him.
Kofi sat on the floor- a knock on his door clearly startling him. Who could it be? He looked horrible; he had not bathed for two days in succession. He lazily stood to his feet and started making his way to the door when it flew open revealing Agnes. Shocked at the sight of Kofi, Agnes stopped in her tracks. Was she in the right room? The person who stood before her had no semblance to Kofi. His hair was scruffy with bloodshot eyes and the stench was awful. But there was more; more that only a virtuous woman could see in her man. It seemed the light in Kofi’s eyes was dying…dim….almost dead!! She tried to scream but her heart only melted with anguish and she wanted to hold out her arms and hug him so tight as if to bring back the Kofi she knew and loved. When she did, his reaction covered her with goosebumps. He looked at her pulled her close, lifted her chin gave a smile that didn’t show in his eyes and ordered,
“Take off your clothes.”
What was he thinking?
Was he even thinking at all?
The shock on Agnes’ face was evident. She pushed him wondering what he was getting at. Clearly, the pornography had messed him up in the head and his struggle had pushed everyone away from him -ministry, God and now Agnes. He had always treated her with love and respect and had tamed his manly desires waiting till he had honored her with marriage but now she looked like what basic representation pornographic movies taught him -an object of pleasure. He felt the shame but also the desire to make her his.
”Please….please I want to make you mine,” he begged.
“But I am yours. I have always been. What has taken hold of you?” Agnes asked in a trembling tone.
“You don’t want to know. I…I…. I wouldn’t tell you anyways,” he stammered.
“And why not??”
“Because I can’t bear to lose you too!” Kofi’s frustration resounded in his shout inciting more fear in Agnes.
“I am sorry, please don’t be afraid-please understand, I have lost God, me and everything-I know I am asking for too much but don’t let me lose you” he said as he held her.
Agnes only stared as those estranged hands took hold of her while she still processed the occurrences. She noticed the stain on the bed and immediately knew Kofi had been messing around with other ladies.
“Since when? Since When Kofi? Tell me! Since when have you been sleeping around with ladies?” she questioned intently shrugging out of his grip.
Kofi took a step back as the accusation hit him.
“What?” he exclaimed.
“I never thought you could cheat on me” Agnes disappointingly rebutted.
Kofi chuckled almost choking on his weariness. “Me neither -I never thought I could cheat on you, on God, on the congregation of which I am a leader, on all that I had built but I did. I am being mocked -me and everything I have passionately stood for. I now dread Sundays because when I mount the altar I am overcome with shame. You know when they ask me where I am for meetings I want to tell them that I am…am naked. I cheated on you Agie and that’s not the worst. I didn’t indulge another woman but rather with the imagination of many women excited by my addiction to pornography. I would rather masturbate than wait for the gift of pleasure God has promised me with you when we are married. I am no longer your Kofi.”
The love she had for him acted like a condenser that cooled the fury which she was feeling for him in the moment. She rolled her eyes;
“You, you may no longer be my Kofi as you claim but you are, have been and will always be God’s. You can belittle my love but don’t dare belittle God’s love for you. That love is stronger than your flesh and this current situation honey.” she said as she instinctively brought him closer and held his head. You seem to have a crack in your helmet of salvation. You have to fix that by renewing your thoughts. God didn’t overcome the world for you to be overcome by this insignificant flaw. You are more -more than a conqueror. You have fallen from grace because you began to think it less sufficient for this particular thorn in your flesh. But you are going to rise up-every day till you stop falling…”
Tears bathed Kofi’s face but he felt no shame to be crying before a woman…the warmth of her words gave him strength, he smiled…” you have always been a Poet?” he teased
Agnes giggled, “I just repeated what the master poet wrote. Don’t give me credit for what I didn’t do…but hey… don’t try to push God and me away because of this-this thing- we are not going to stop coming at you…our love endures all things…” she cringed, “like this stench coming from you and your room!” she said playfully pushing him away, “Come here, let’s get you cleaned up then we clean this room..”
With that they both went on their Knees-it was there that Kofi learnt that rising up had a lot to do with kneeling down.
Guest Writer: Abigail Affum